


I've Got the Half-Kryptonian Cloning Blues (But Without the Sad Part)

by Nicnac



Series: The World's Most Confusing Family Tree [1]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-15
Updated: 2012-07-15
Packaged: 2017-11-10 00:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/460050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicnac/pseuds/Nicnac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, we can definitely chalk this experiment up as an unqualified success.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got the Half-Kryptonian Cloning Blues (But Without the Sad Part)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this [fanwank](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/1099678) (first comment in the thread). For those too lazy to read my ramblings (or even click on the link) the short of it is all of the clones Lex was harvesting body parts from in 10x01 were half-Kryptonian because a) normal clones are so very been-there-done-that and b) why wouldn't Lex want to half-Kryptonian if he had the chance? They can fly and shot lasers from their eyes.

For about six months after he first lost his memories, things were normal. Or, at least, as much as could be expected given he had to undeclare himself dead, had to wrest control of his company back from Oliver Queen, apparently an old schoolmate of Lex’s who _hated_ him, and had to deal with the Superman’s suspicion. Lex didn’t know what he had done to warrant such attention, his business practices were mostly aboveboard, but the Big Blue Boyscout sure did watch him like a hawk. Still, all things considered, his life could be considered normal.

Then shit got weird.

***

Lex was absolutely certain he had just been shot. Granted, it had been a piss-poor attempt at a drive-by murder, and most of the bullets had gone wide, but he was certain that he had seen one clip him in the shoulder. He didn’t _feel_ like he had been shot though. His shoulder hurt pretty bad, but not in a “just been shot” way.

Glancing at the shoulder in question, he saw his shirt had a massive rip in it and his skin was just starting to show the beginnings of a spectacular bruise.

Convenient. Shame about the shirt, though.

***

Saying Lex was angry would be an understatement. And that statement itself would, in turn, be another understatement.  He didn’t think he had ever been this mad before. Scratch that, he _knew_ he had never been this mad before, lost memories included.

Barely paying attention, Lex picked up some random knick-knack or other and threw it. Threw it twenty feet across his office, through the wall, completely past the entirety of the living room, through _another_ wall, and lodged it firmly into the back of a bookshelf in the library.

Huh. Well, that was going to be interesting to explain.

***

Lex’s fantasy partner for the evening wasn’t anyone specific, but that certainly didn’t put a damper on his activities. In fact, Lex liked it better this way, no real person, just vague impressions of dark hair, intelligent eyes, a bright smile, and deft hands. _Very_ deft hands.

Then, of all things, his eyes started to itch. Lex blinked a few times, though it didn’t seem to help. But Lex forgot all about his itchy eyes seconds later, because his goddamn ceiling caught on fire.

The worst part was, it turns out spontaneous combustion was something of a mood killer too.

***

Dammit, did Superman have to fight a giant robot in the middle of downtown right now? Not that Lex wanted robots rampaging through Metropolis, but he had a meeting and the traffic was going to make him late.

Frustrated, Lex climbed out of the limo. He could _walk_ faster. Lex took up a brisk pace and time, for a lack of a better term, froze. Startled, Lex stopped, and everything started back up. Smirking, he set off and didn’t stop again until he reached his destination.

He checked his watch. Five seconds. He wasn’t going to be late after all.

***

Someone had stolen his keys. Never mind that he knew for a fact that they had made it back to the penthouse the night before, and no one but him had been in here since then. Someone must have stolen them because they weren’t in the same spot Lex _always_ put them.

He was staring at the room, as though the force of his glare could force his keys to show themselves, when everything went _blue_. And Lex could see _through_ things. Including underneath the couch, which was where his keys were hiding.

Good thing he hadn’t called security then.

***

When Lex woke up, he was staring at the ceiling. This wouldn’t be unusual, except said ceiling was about two feet away from his face.

He was _flying_. That was even cooler than being able to shoot fire beams from his eyes. Or it would be if he could learn to control it, anyway.

With some trial and error, Lex managed to maneuver his way over to the closet and put on some clothes (he couldn’t very well go flying around Metropolis naked). It probably would have gone faster if he had just landed and walked, but he didn’t want to give gravity a chance to reassert her dominance over him. So it was an hour later that Lex, fully dressed and finally starting to get a hang of this flying thing, slipped out the window and into the sky.

For a while he just drifted lazily over Metropolis, enjoying the sights in a far more intimate way that he ever could from a helicopter. Then a distant voice caught his ear. Apparently his hearing was super-powered too.

“Wait here Conner; I’m going to go check that out.” _Superman?_

Lex rolled over toward the direction of the voice, and got the vaguest impression of jeans and a casual shirt before the man, so to speak, was headed straight for him in all his red, blue and yellow glory. Lex ignored him in favor of trying to get a closer look at the Conner he had been talking to, hoping he might be a clue to Superman’s secret identity.

“Lex?” Superman said in disbelief. “Is that you?” That did catch Lex’s attention. Superman had never called him Lex before, just Luthor.

“Sure is,” Lex answered, smirking.

“Lex, you’re flying,” Superman said as though Lex might have missed that somehow.

“I know,” Lex replied, though the tone of his voice was belied by his involuntary smile. He was _flying_.

“But, but,” Superman said, looking positively flabbergasted. “Lex, how are you doing that?”

Lex shrugged. “I don’t know.” He could figure it out later, after he was done having fun.

“The hell?” protested the voice of a teenaged boy. Conner, presumably, from the way the Superman turned toward it. “How come he can fly and I can’t?” Conner sounded pissed and Superman, rapidly glancing back and forth between the two of them, looked more than a bit confused and panicked.

Lex just laughed. 


End file.
